Our daughter has been off on her own experiencing college life for almost two weeks now.
Thanks to modern technology, (cell phone conversations, text messages, facebook, skype dates) her dad and I have the luxury and privilege (??) of keeping fairly updated on the daily events up there in the foothills of the Carolina mountains. This seemed, at first, to be a good thing. After all, we miss our baby girl and she misses her mommy and daddy. A cheerful morning text message before class, a quick bedtime skype, a peek at her facebook page to see what's up...being able to stay in constant contact is a huge plus. Right?
Yeah, not so much.
Because posts like this:
This was captioned, "This has to be the hardest program EVER!" Really, sweetie? Looks challenging!
Apparently this screen has something to do with college Chemistry?? Which has something to do with an online homework program. Which has something to do with an Apple, Banana, Potato game?? Which involves sorting veggies and fruits into their proper categories...which...uh...
Wait, what the heck does that have to do with Chemistry, please??
I'm not sure I want to know why a $24,000 a year education includes colorful sorting games.
And then there's this:
"Look, Mom! We're going to be EMT's on campus and work in the clinic and ride in the ambulance and rescue bleeding students from impending doom!"
Well, now, I'm all for getting an early start in your chosen career field. I have no problem whatsoever with working for your school, learning about exciting things in a hands-on kind of way, and giving something to your fellow students. Also, keeping busy keeps one out of trouble, usually.
child grown-up young lady calls me later to relay the details of EMT training...where she ran up the side of a mountain (ok, a small one) for half a mile carrying a backboard, splinted the "broken leg" of a "patient," plopped him on the backboard and carried him down the mountain. With the help of a few team members, naturally. She's a beast, to be sure, but she can't tote 165 pounds all by herself.
After their adventure, the kids were standing around, sweating, cooling off a bit. She set her Bobble water bottle (that is attached to her at all times) on the ground beside her foot for a minute.
It got crushed to smithereens!
Because the Gator (ATV-golf cart-looking vehicle) that RAN OVER HER FOOT also smashed her water bottle. Holy crap!
In her attempt to be ever-helpful, she posts things like, "Woke up with my knee popped out of joint, can't get it back in...lots of pain! How will I get to class?? Guess I'll call campus security!"
And this little gem, "Dirty, scraped, sweaty, tired. Best day EVER!"
"On the top of the mountain, looking at cool graffiti!" at 10:30 pm, missy??
"Playing softball in the dorm!" Shouldn't you be studying?
And then there's the post she left on facebook last Friday evening that stated, "Headed downtown with Kayla, Timmy & Josh!"
Hold it just one minute, my dear. Who said you could go downtown this time of night? Aren't there rules about children traipsing around unattended on the city streets after dark? And who are Timmy & Josh?? I don't know these people, but those certainly sound like boy names to me. I am not familiar with any Timmy & Josh! I don't recall saying you could go anywhere with them! Did we tell you you could go off with boys? I'm telling your father!
And then, to send her mother straight over the brink into insanity, there was this:
Yes, a lovely photo taken from the front passenger seat of someone's car (I'll assume either Kayla, Timmy, or Josh!!) of billions of twinkling city lights.
No...take a closer look.
Those aren't city lights. Those are police lights!
Emergency-type, Code three, lights & sirens, something's-going-on kind of lights!
Never fear, folks. She was thoughtful enough to let us know...THE NEXT MORNING...that a political candidate (umm...Rick Perry, Ron Perry, Rick Paul, I don't know...) was giving a speech at the river park.
Why thank you, Darling Daughter, for clearing that up for us. Your aging parents. Who changed your diapers and wiped your little nose and rocked you to sleep and kissed your boo boos. Who are happy that you're living it up there at college. Who have gone bald and senile over the last two weeks because we don't get any sleep when you post photos of cops on riot duty at bedtime and don't say that you weren't lying in a ditch under a tractor-trailer or being smoke-bombed or held hostage or run over by a train!!
We will survive this. We may have to disconnect the internet, throw away the cell phones,and resort to writing letters, but we WILL survive.
Excuse me, I need to go lie down on my air conditioning vent with my teddy bear and my new puppy now.