Well, the New Year has arrived, and the Source Household is back to school this morning. Everyone was up bright and early with smiles on their faces. (Yeah, right.) It was a dreadful shock to my system when that blasted alarm went off at 6:00 AM. I hated having to drag my carcass up out of the warm cocoon of covers, snuggled next to my red-headed, grizzly bear, furnace of a husband, and venture out into the igloo of a house to wake up Darling Daughter. But if I don't go into her room and scream at her at least twice, she'll sleep all day...a mother's work is never done. Sigh.
I sat in the rocker in my pajamas while she got herself ready for school and ate her breakfast and then I waved goodbye as she headed out the door.
And then? Then I woke up Thing One and Thing Two.
That's right. I WOKE them UP!
As opposed to last semester's "Roll out of bed whenever you feel like it" schedule. That didn't work so much. I don't like them doing schoolwork all evening. Makes me nervous. I feel like nothing's getting done (even though it is, but still.) We're on Mom Time now. I opened the bedroom door and poked the Child Formerly Know as Pip Squeak a few times on the shoulder while whispering gently, "It's time to wake up now, sweetie." I was rewarded with a mumble and also a grumble. No opened eyes. No movement. So I pushed his shoulder some and said, "Hey. Didn't you hear me? I said get up now. Remember when I told you yesterday that we aren't sleeping till noon anymore?? Up! Rise and shine. Move your butt. Come on." The I yanked all the sheets and blankets off of him and he rolled off into the floor.
One bleary green eyeball glared at me. "You're JOKING, right??"
Sadly, no, I was not joking. I had big plans for the day, and they involved Free Spicy Chick-Fil-A Biscuits! And those biscuits weren't walking here on their own, so move it, move it, MOVE IT! "Everybody meet in the living room in 5 minutes for PE," I yelled down the hall.
PE? At 7:30 in the morning? Why yes, I am evil. Why do you ask?
You see, if we don't do PE first, then we won't do PE at all. And some of us (like me) really need some motivation to get up off of our lazy behinds and exercise. Hence, PE at 7:30 in the morning before we all shower and get dressed for the day. Plus, having PE before you actually feed thirteen year old boys? Now that really fires them up, let me tell ya!
After we finished our workout and the boys broke out the defibrillator to shock some life back into their old mom's heart, it was time to get some quick showers (have you ever smelled a thirteen year old boy after PE? Yeah? Well what about two?) so we could get to Chick-Fil-A before they stopped serving breakfast. Otherwise we would have to starve until lunch because I'm just over all the cooking business right now...the holidays did it for me.
Thing One...no problem. Showers aren't really his favorite activity, so he's in and outta there in no time, all nice and clean, deodorized and dressed, starved half to death and ready to go.
Thing Two...not so much.
Well, there was the matter of his shoes. Seems he had stepped in Lucy poop yesterday and didn't bother to remove it from the soles of his shoes. And so back and forth he went...in and out the front door...over and over again...to report that he really didn't know exactly how one was supposed to go about removing dog poo from one's shoes and he really wasn't big on having to remove it anyway, and since it wasn't even his bright idea to make him go outside and play with the dog yesterday but mine, why didn't I have to do something about his shoes instead of him...on and on, back and forth.
Until Dad stepped in...
Clearly, this is a man who knows how to deal with children. And whiny teenagers who don't want to do things like clean dog poo that they stepped in all by themselves off their own shoes.
Taking both of my shoes in one hand and the ridiculous boy in the other, he said, "Son, don't worry about a thing. I understand completely how difficult it is for you to figure out how to get dog s*&^ off your shoe. Some people are capable of using common sense to arrive at a solution to a given problem and others aren't. Those people that aren't require a visual aid and some training. So let me help you out."
He took my shoes and turned them upside down. "See here? When you discover that you've stepped in something that you don't want on the bottoms of your shoes, the first thing you do is grab the shoes, one in each hand. Then you bang them together, real hard, like this..." He demonstrates. "Next, check and see if there's any more stuff on the bottoms. Yeah? Still there?? OK, you can either repeat the banging process or move on...in your case, I'd suggest you move on."
"Now, the second thing to try is to rub the soles in the grass." Hubby bends over and rubs my shoes on the carpet with exaggerated motions. "This isn't hard, son, you just makes circles...or swirls...whatever. You can do this, I know it!"
"Check the shoes again. If there's still dog mess stuck to the bottom, then you're going to have to get a stick after your shoes." He picks up an ink pen and shows how to go about cleaning the crevices of my Nikes. "You want to scrub in between each little groove. Keep on scrubbing until their all clean. It might take some effort, but that's OK...you haven't taken your shower yet anyway. And it that don't work...use your fingers. Now. You think you understand? Yeah? Think you can clean your shoes? Good. Get busy cause we're leaving in 20 minutes with or without you!"
And we did. Leave without him, that is. You see, he was still griping and complaining and scraping his shoes thirty minutes later and my Chick-Fil-A thingie said to go pick up our biscuits before 9:30 and the boy had been up since 7:30 and my goodness we don't have all day!
We did bring a biscuit back for him.
The good news? The schedule is working out fine so far. Yeah, I realize it's only Day One, but so far we've worked out, showered, had breakfast (which I did not have to cook and it was free!!) finished Grammar & Bible, started on Literature, loaded the dishwasher, and I've done two loads of laundry! Oh...and one of us has cleaned Lucy poop off his shoes. All by himself. Not bad for a fresh start to a new year, huh?