Friday, December 10, 2010

The Amazing Pre-Spontaneous Combustion Detecting Teenager

Just in case our family doesn't have enough fire protection already...what with two professional fire fighters living in our house, hand-held extinguishers in kitchen and laundry room, a hard-wired fire alarm system that sends a signal straight to the monitoring company, two types of battery-powered smoke alarms in every room, and a sprinkler system in the ceiling....

(OK, so I'm just kidding about the sprinkler system, but don't think it hasn't been mentioned.)

it seems we've been blessed with a teenager who was born with some odd, built-in, high-sensitivity, pre-flame sensor, super powers.

Why yes, it's THIS one:

Let me state for the record here, that for thirteen years or so I had absolutely no idea that this kid they handed me in the hospital back in 1997 had come equipped with the ability to sniff out fires before there is any telltale smoke, flame, or even so much as a flicker! 

It must be one of those skills that appears out of nowhere around adolescence or something. 
Like psychic-ness or ESP or x-ray vision, I guess.
Or perhaps he was bitten by a radioactive mosquito?
I dunno.  It's a mystery.  Thank heaven we've found out about it now, though!
Think of the possibilities!

Yesterday, Ryan and I were privileged to be present during the first display of Zachary's amazing new found powers.

It happened while we were sitting on the living room sofa, innocently discussing a history lesson about early Japan when suddenly...

The Super Pre-Spontaneous Combustion Detector raced into the room, dove under the Christmas tree, and yanked the extension cord out of the outlet, unplugging the lights immediately and plunging the tree into instant dreariness. 

As he rose to his feet, brushing tiny evergreen needles off of his pants, he said:

"Whew! THAT was close!"

Ryan and I looked at each other, puzzled expressions on our faces.

"What was close?  What the heck are you doing?!"  I asked.

"Unplugging the Christmas tree lights!

"Clearly."  I said.  "But uh...can I ask WHY felt the necessity to nose-dive onto the carpet, barrel roll under an eight foot tree and snatch the cord out of the wallCause I gotta tell you...I'm lost!"

And that's when he clued us in on his powers!

He looked at me, in all seriousness, and said, "Because.  It LOOKED like it was ABOUT to catch on FIRE!"

Oh.  Well then.  In that case...

I mean, can you even imagine how valuable will this skill be when he's seeking employment in the future?

Do other families have to live with this kind of random weirdness? 
Or is it just MY children who need to be committed to an asylum for the clinically strange?


mendyc said...

It's just YOUR children!

a Tonggu Momma said...

I mean, he could become a smoke jumper with skills like that.