Friday, September 10, 2010

Well, I never!

Since I only have about five and a half months remaining before my fortieth birthday (ugh!!)  I was thinking maybe I should make a Bucket List of things I'd really like to do during the next twenty years.  Which naturally got me to thinking about some of the things I haven't done yet during the first two twenty year increments of my life.  And so then I thought, maybe I should see about doing some of those things before I think about which new things I want to do...

Let's see if any of these things can be remedied.  In almost forty years, I have never:


1.  Had a professional manicure.  Or, well, a pedicure either.  I've never understood why anyone would actually want to pay another person cash money to scrape your fingernails raw and then put paint & funky designs on them??  What's so hard about painting your own nails in the first place?  It starts peeling off five minutes later anyway.  And besides, they always file nails into square shapes and my nails don't grow square so it won't feel right and fingernails get in the way when you type, drive and fold laundry.  It's pretty safe to say I'll probably live another twenty years without getting my nails done by a technician. 

2.  Set foot in a nightclub.  It's true.  See, I was married before I was legally old enough to enter a meat market and then once I turned twenty-one I already had a husband and a house I could drink in if I wanted to so what would have been the point?  I've never missed it.  At least, I don't think I have.  I wouldn't know if I missed it, I guess, because I don't know what I'd miss.  Smoke?  Blaring music?  Dancing?  Crazy people?  I have all that right here on any given night while dinner is burning and the kids are cutting up in the living room.  So yeah, strike this one from the list as well.

3.  Eaten sushi.  Hmm...seaweed?  No.  Raw fish?  No.  Rice?  No.  Wasabi?  NO.  Sushi?  Never.

4.  Gotten a speeding ticket.  I'm serious.  No really!  OK, so I did get pulled over once, but I was given a warning.  I've been driving since 1986 and haven't gotten caught speeding  a speeding ticket yet.  Is that because I'm such a careful driver, because I know where the cops patrol all the time, or because I'm just so darn cute that I've been able to get out of tickets??  No, it's my fear of men in strange hats toting guns and large sticks!  I'm not kidding.  How do you know that it's really a legitimate police officer pulling you over?  How can you tell it's not an impostor?  Hey!  It happens.  I watch Criminal Minds and COPS,  I know these things.  How do you know they won't go off on you and drag you out of your car and throw you on the pavement and stomp on your head.  Or cart you off to the slammer and toss you in a cell?  I couldn't stand to be behind bars.  I'm sort of slightly claustrophobic.  Also I can't pee when other people are in the room, so jail won't work for me.  Better if I just obey the speed limit.  And slam on the brakes when I see a cop car!!

5.  Slept outdoors in a tent.  So just to clarify here, I have slept in a tent, just not outside!  It wasn't pleasant in the living room, either, so I'm fairly certain I don't want to try it under the stars.  In the rain.  With the bugs.  Where the bears can eat me.  I prefer hotel rooms with skylights.  Or balconies.  Or paintings of waterfalls.  That's enough nature for me. 

Clearly, I need to add some different things to my list.  How about some ideas??  Or maybe I should just work on making a list of more things I'll NEVER do??

4 comments:

mendyc said...

I'm glad you're the boring sister and not me! lol I've done all those things.

The Source said...

Who you calling boring?? Don't make me come across the river and deal with you!

Chelsea Gour said...

Hmmmm, I've done all those things. I got two speeding tickets before I turned 21, met my husband in a nightclub, we tent camped our way from Charleston SC to Boston MA on our first vacation as a married couple, I got a mani/pedi in the spa of our hotel in Puerto Rico a few years ago, paid for by the company Paul works for, and just found out we like sushi a year ago when I tried some a friend brought over! Come up with something else!

mendyc said...

Well normally I wouldn't be scared but since you just got a gun.......