Last Tuesday was Girls Day at the beach. Girls Day included getting out of the sun for the morning because some people don't necessarily just lay there and turn brown like others of us do. No, instead some people get all red and pink and hurty (that's a new word, you may use it if you like, you're welcome.) and they have to take a day off from basting in the sun.
That's where Girls Day comes in.
On Girls Day there's shopping and ice cream and lunch out and lots of acting stupid.
By the adults, not the kids.
So last Tuesday we finished breakfast, got dressed, and drove to the OUTLETS. That's where we split up. My mom? Yeah, she decided she wanted nothing to do with the rest of us idiots, so she took off by herself and pretended not to know us. My sister and I headed off in one direction and the girls went in another. (Because, really, who in their right mind wants to shop in Reebok? That's like, exercise-wear! Yuck!)
I made a sincere effort to find something for my twins in American Eagle. Extra small-sized t-shirts were purchased for around $5.00 each. Bargain! I know! No jeans because the boys aren't quite tall enough for those yet. And anyway, that's what Goodwill is for isn't it? Blue jeans for boys who wear them out faster than they outgrow them??
After looking around in Coach for a purse that didn't cost more than a car payment, and not finding one, my sister and I stopped in the ice cream shop. Because it smelled heavenly in there! They had fudge! And other chocolate stuff! And woooooo the ice cream! Couldn't make up our minds. My sister did the smart but childish thing and sampled about half a dozen flavors. I did the sensible grown-up thing and asked the adorable young man behind the counter (who would be perfect for Darling Daughter...so cute, just the right age and he lives at the beach!) what was the lowest calorie thing in the shop??
He looked at me like I'd lost my mind!
The manager laughed, patted the poor kid on the back and said, "Ask him something he KNOWS!"
And then he said, "So, are you looking for low cal or low fat?"
I said, "Whatever. Both. But not tasteless."
He said, "You know, it doesn't matter how many calories something has. You actually burn calories all day long just by blink and breathing!"
It's my turn to be stunned into silence.
Because guess what?
I had NO IDEA! I mean really, no clue. I can blink my way into a headache and hyperventilate all day long and lose weight?? For REAL?? No freaking way. Why didn't someone tell me that 37 pounds ago? Why in the heck have I been wearing myself out??
And also? I totally plan to knock my doctor upside the head next time I see him. He could have told me.
Yeah, I'm not falling for that one, dude. I didn't get any ice cream. I sure don't intend to pay good money for adding an extra pound to my butt. I don't care how it tastes. And anyway, I am extremely picky about my ice cream. I only eat it from our local place. Or Dairy Queen. And this was neither.
On to the Tommy Outlet where we laughed our heads off in the dressing room posing like gangstas, and tried on and bought matching dresses. Pictures later. My sister also bought flip flops and I think a purse. I didn't. I'll go barefoot. Or steal Darling Daughter's flip flops. I'm cheap that way. Plus...my daughter owes me. She takes my stuff all the time.
Then we walked into the Black Mineral Market. Where I discovered the find of the century! There. In the corner! Lurking eerily. The fortune teller machine! Just like in the movie BIG. You know, with Tom Hanks before he was a movie star? The movie where he makes a wish and becomes an adult and then makes a wish and turns 13 again?
OK, so it isn't exactly the same machine, the one in BIG was called Zoltar, not Zultan, but it was close enough! COOL!
I had to try it. I handed my sister four quarters and she gave me a dollar. I stuck it in the Zultan machine. The thing came to life! It spoke! It bobbed it's creepy head up and down! I made a wish! A fortune popped out...
Now first of all, let's clarify. I didn't wish to be a grown-up. I already AM a grown-up. I certainly didn't wish to be 13 again because who would wish THAT?? I wished...for...
Well never mind. If I tell you, it might not come true.
Basically said that a Japanese man would bring me pleasure.
Hello?! I don't even think so!
I don't eat Japanese food. I don't know any Japanese people.
That seems far-fetched to me.
Unless some dude in Japan would like to leave me half a million dollars in his will. No strings attached. That could work. Otherwise...forget it.
The rest of the fortune says fresh air is important. OK, so I cut the grass this morning. That'll do. I should try to live out of the city, it says. Check. Hubby would prefer to live as far away from the city as possible while still being close enough to pick up Bang Bang Shrimp on occasion. Works for me.
Finally, Girls Day came to a close with lunch and cupcakes. And more laughter. And plenty of blinking, because I'm here to tell you those cupcakes were WAY full of fat! And calories! Excuse me...I gained two pounds during Beach Week and I need to go wink at the kids!