Yesterday we went to Wal-Mart. I know, ugh! I hate going to Wal-Mart. I try to avoid it at all costs, but Kroger doesn't sell cheap one-piece grandma bathing suits that the Youth Pastor would consider appropriate for our teenaged daughter to wear to White Water this weekend, and I'm not spending more than ten bucks on something she'll wear for less than three hours so I was sort of forced to Wal-Mart.
We can never get out of Wal-Mart without spending a fortune. Does that happen to you? We walk in the door with two or three items on our list, but the kids find a dozen other things we have to have, like right now! Important things like purple shorts, polka dot paper clips and Firefighter video games for the Wii. And thread for making bracelets. And Lego sets. And tanning accelerator.
I made them put all that stuff right back on the shelves.
Except for the tanning accelerator.
We made it to the check-out forty five minutes later, and I let them each pick out (Chelsea close your eyes!) one healthy, nutritious, organic piece of candy that they would be allowed to eat before dinner in the car on the ride home. As usual, Darling Daughter and the Child-Formerly-Known-As-Pip chose something chocolate. Not Quatro. He takes after his grandmother and doesn't care too much for chocolate. He always picks gum. (And he always chews every piece withing the first hour.) Yesterday he picked this Wrigley's 5 React gum and crammed a few sticks in his mouth as soon as we walked out of the store.
That's how I had my heart attack of the night.
I was cooking dinner when the boy came into the kitchen and said something to me. And what did I see in his mouth? A slimy, gooey, BLACK hunk of stuff. What the heck??
The gum is BLACK. Yes, black. Black gum. It's not trick gum. It isn't exploding gum. It's just...gum. Black gum. It's disgusting!
It looked like the kid was chewing on a lump of coal.
Or a dead mouse.
Or dog poop.
He says it tastes good, though.
Whatever. I'm not sure who invented Wrigley's 5 React gum and decided it should be black, but it certainly appeals to twelve year old boys who enjoy freaking out their moms.