So you're wondering what else has been going on down here at The Source household over Spring Break...right?
You're not wondering?
You didn't even know if was Spring Break down here?
I'll clue you in...it's Master's Week. Tiger Woods is in town. (Ugh!) News helicopters are flying around overhead. Throngs of people are here to watch golf, eat food, hang out, spend money and whine about the pollen situation.
And if I've failed to mention the pollen situation this week, man are you lucky!
Because I don't think we've EVER had this much pollen in my whole entire life. Pollen is literally so thick in the air that you can SEE it sort of hanging around...hovering in the atmosphere like smoke. When the wind blows, it whips up these freaky pollen tornadoes that make you want to hold your breath because...ewww! No use wiping it off of anything, either, because thirty seconds later...the surface you just cleaned is covered again. There's at least a triple layer of yellow dust on everything. It's tracked into the house on shoes, blown inside cars, stuck to clothes and hair...ugh! It rained a little last night, but rather than wash the pollen away, it just kind of glued it to the world. But enough about pollen...
Did I say Tiger Woods is in town?
Because no one actually cares about that either, but my gosh! There's absolutely nothing else on the television!
"Tiger Woods teed off this morning!"
:Tiger Woods shot a 76!"
"Tiger Woods wore a purple shirt!"
"Tiger Woods is stuck in traffic!"
"Tiger Woods ate dinner at Hooters!"
"Tiger Woods said an ugly word!"
"Tiger Woods peed!"
"Tiger Woods sneezed!" (The pollen is afecting him, too, apparently.)
Did the newspaper say anything about me painting the front door of my house?? I don't even think so! It would have been a more entertaining story, I assure you, because unlike Tiger Woods who plays golf every daggum day, I only paint my front door about once every eleven years! And what with paint the color of blood, bumble bees dive-bombing my head, Darling Daughter screaming and leaping off the porch every few minutes, pollen sticking to the paint turning the red a burnt orange, and the stalker kid down the street yelling "Heeeyyy! Hello! Hey! Hey, what you doin'? Hey!!" all day long, it was quite an adventure.
Or they could write about how Darling Daughter moved her dad's truck to the other side of the parking lot while he was in the store buying lumber...and then hid out to watch his head explode when he found it missing!
Or about how she and a friend decided to find more interesting news bits than Tiger Woods and took their video camera on an adventure about town yesterday. They decided to pop into the local radio station and meet the morning dj's. They went barefoot...to bring awareness to the fact that some kids have no shoes (??!!)...yeah, everyone they met totally knew that was why they had no shoes! They walked in the front doors of the station and asked for John and Cleve...who came right out and met the girls! Then...THEN the girls asked if they could videotaped the meeting for youtube. The dj's agreed. They didn't quite understand why the girls ran back outside until they entered again, and gasped and exclaimed over meeting a couple of celebrities (as if they had met Tiger Woods). The dj's played along, took photos with them, then loaded them down with free junk...pens, stickers, t-shirts, all kinds of stuff.
But you'd rather hear what brand of tissue Tiger Woods prefers to wipe his nose with, right?
It's Kleenex, if you must know. It was on the front page this morning.