Tuesday, April 13, 2010

Getting Real...

I feel like I should start this post with a disclaimer.  A warning of sorts. Just in case you have a strong gag reflex and happen to be trying to enjoy your lunch while you read this post.

So here it is...a word of caution:

You are strongly advised NOT to scroll down!

No, really, I mean it. 

Proceed no further unless you want your eyeballs to bleed!

I can see that you're not taking me seriously. 

Whatever.  I did my best.  I TOLD you not to look!


Stop now...go read about Claire's ice skating adventures.

Find out what my buddy Miss Tongginator is up to today.

Check out Hezra's latest adventures.  (Her kids take terrific pictures!  He he!)

You could even find out how Ree's appearance on The View went.

But for the love of all that's HOLY and GOOD in this world...please don't scroll down.

OK, fine then, go ahead.  Don't say I didn't warn you when you're fighting off nightmares tonight!

Without further delay, may I present:

ME, summer 2009, 170 pounds...BMI of oh, probably 1307...3 or 4 chins, no makeup, roots showing...oh good LORD!
Have mercy.
Make it stop!
I should probably have smacked my mama for snapping this stunning candid photo. 
Except, I should also thank her...because oh my stars I look gross!
Somebody call Extreme Me Makeover! 
Motivation??  You better believe it!
I do NOT want to enter my forties looking like THIS!

EEK!  Blech!!  Icky!  Who IS this woman and what's wrong with her??

See... I told you to go away, but no.  Glutton for punishment. 

Take THIS:

ME, November 2009, stomach getting so big that my shirt hangs out over the top of my pants like a maternity blouse.  Ugh!  And what's that look on my face?  Did something smell weird?  Nah...Constipation?  Probably! 
Size 14 pants, and they were bursting at the zipper!
Size extra large top, and I had to do the "stick your arms in the front of it and stretch it real good" technique to get it to actually fit across my sagging boobs. 
My daughter looks cute, though!
I want to wear that dress. 

So you can see where I'm coming from. 
I had had it.  Something had to change...and that something was me!
And also, my eating habits.  Because actually, my habit was pretty much to eat whatever I WANTED all day long and not think twice about it.  Krispy Kreme donuts?  Chocolate peanut butter ice cream?  Cookies?  Creamy, saucy, fattening pasta with sausage!  Three of four pieces of garlic bread!  Yes!  Stuff it in my mouth and find me something else to chow down on.  I had this attitude that I had better eat what I wanted whenever it was available because WHAT IF I COULDN'T GET SOME MORE??

I don't understand exactly why I felt that way, but I did.  I mean, I've never experienced starvation.  Food has always been readily accessible for me. 
We pratically live in between a Bi-Lo and  Kroger for heaven's sake. 

Well, no starvation unless you count my three pregnancies and the subsequent bouts of horrible, dehydrating, hospitalizing, iv-fluid-filled episodes of vomiting that made me lose more weight than I managed to gain the entire time I was expecting the twins....unless you count that!  That so totally does count as starvation! 
Sort of.  But where was I?

Oh yeah, my eating habits.
Vegetables?  Not much. Fresh fruits?  Eh. 
Shopping the middle aisles of the grocery store?

Oh yeah, baby!  Convenient, salty, starchy, fatty, preservative-laden = YUM!

It also equals high blood pressure and pre-diabetes at the age of thirty-nine!


Well, uh...yeah, my dad had a quintuple bypass at the age of 50. 

They cracked his chest open and stripped some veins out of his legs and tried to fix the damage done by years and years of no exercise and gobbling down hamburgers, fried chicken, greasy foods and sweet tea.

I do NOT intend to add any more scars to my front side, thank you very much!

The emergency hip-to-hip c-section and the hysterectomy have left an odd enough assortment.

I will never wear a bikini again.

Also, I really hope I never have to learn what it feels like to have my sternum sawed apart and wired back together.  That's not an experience that's on my Bucket List. 
I prefer for my body to stay together of its own accord. 

So...my very wonderful family physician...who has been my very wonderful family physician since I was about eleven years old, actually...came up with a brilliant plan! 

And it's called "Why don't you get up off your lazy butt and lose some weight already??"

I'd like to thank Dr. B. for his honesty, caring and compassion. And for not pulling any punches.

Under the guidance of good ol' Dr. B. I have changed the way my family eats. 

Or actually, I think it would be fair to say that I've pretty much changed the way we THINK about food.

See, those Krispy Kreme donuts??  Newsflash! They're still going to be there the NEXT time I drive past the donut shop!  I don't HAVE to eat the whole dozen right now!  And the ice cream?  Well, Kroger always has an entire aisle dedicated to every flavor of deliciousness I could conceive of.  (I just ended a sentence with a prepostion, did you catch that?  It's annoying to me when I do that.  Never mind the other examples of poor grammar throughout.) Kroger NEVER runs out of ice cream.  It'll be there any time I need some.

And another thing.  Sitting on your butt all day?  Turns out that's not healthy.  Oh, but Dr. B, I thought I was protecting my joints and muscles from injury!  I mean, you can't very well blow out your knee while your rear end is parked in a recliner, now can you?  Ha.  Did you know that strengthening your muscles through moderate exercise actually DOES prevent injury??  And it makes your bones stronger, too!

Who knew?! 

Obviously, there's supposed to be a point to this post.

And there is. 

The point is...I needed to get healthy.  And I've been working on it. 

Very hard!

And guess what? 

As an added incentive, my hubby made a deal with me.  If I made it to a healthy weight, he'd be proud of me (he says he was proud of me anyway, awww...he's so sweet...that's why I let him hang around.) and he'd take me shopping.  For like, new clothes and stuff! Which I desperately needed since shopping for clothes is NO fun when nothing fits and everything you try on makes you look like a pup tent. 

Not that shopping had anything to do with it, no, I promise I only worked at losing weight and getting in shape for the sole purpose of proving to myself that I could do it and to model a healthy lifestyle for my children...and so I could still be around to see my grandkids.  If I ever have any.  One day. 
A long, long time from now!  Like years and years!  (Are you reading this, son??) 
Don't make me a granny at 39.  I'm pretty sure your Baba would appreciate not being a GREAT-grandma before she's 60, too. 

Ok, so, progress?  I've been making some. 


ME, yesterday, April 12, 2010. 
That's a size MEDIUM t-shirt that I bought and stuck right over my head without even using the "stick your arms in the front and stretch the heck out of it!" technique.

And also,

ME, yesterday, April 12, 2010, in size 8 jeans.  BMI 24...which is in the NORMAL range...woohoo!  Notice that my shirt no longer hangs over my big old belly!  Nice.  Also, I had a fake boob lift.  It's called "a new bra" that smushes it all back to wear it's supposed to be!  GLORY in the highest!

And guess what?  I weighed 140 pounds yesterday. 

That's 30 pounds off so far.  I have about 10 to go, I think.  We'll see when I get there.
The pre-diabetes?  Gone. 
The high blood pressure.  Not gone.  :(  I ended up having to go on meds for that last doctor visit.  Apparently that may be inherited instead of flab-induced. 
Luckily, it turns out that some bp medicines make you pee 600 times a day which translates into even more weight loss! COOL!

Now...I can ride my exercise bike without making the twins sit on the floor and twirl the pedals for me! 
I can go for a RUN with my daughter!  OK, so she still kicks my butt and runs circles around me, but I'm not looking to be a track star, folks. 
My back no longer aches all the time.  I have more energy!  I have a few muscles...well, sort of. 
I also have no butt anymore...it packed up and left.  I'm hoping it'll decide to come back for a visit this summer, though. I've invited it to the beach.  I don't want my bathing suit bagging down in the seat!

So...let's recap, shall we? 

Eating healthy foods?  Good. 
Making a permanent change?  Good.
Not having to stick myself to check blood sugar?  Good!
Losing 30 pounds?  Good!
Ability to fit into a normal size?  Excellent!
Feeling better about myself?  Whew!

And we're not looking back.  Because I don't want to look like that woman at the top of this post ever again!

And by the way...where the heck is the spell-check on this new blogger format?? 
If you know...message me!


Hezra said...

oh my goodness! so cool! You loo incredible. I mean truly amazing. OH MY GOSH!! Sz 8 pants!!! I am now in bed in jammies with no make up and that 6 yr old ame and snapped a REALLY horrible picture! Someone take that @%^&* camera! Anyway, I too have been on this quest and just lost the first 10! I am now in an awkward position of needing clothes but being between sizes! oh dear...

meredith said...

That's awesome work you've done! I'm inspired...I need to lose ten, I'll try and do that with you :)

mendyc said...

You look AMAZING! I'm so proud of you!

Chelsea Gour said...

You look amazing! You really look a whole lot like you did in high school! Great job and your family will thank you one day for all the healthy changes, if they aren't now. That's what I keep telling myself, anyway!

And that spell check? It's not there. I use one on my Google tool bar instead now.

a Tonggu Momma said...

You look so! absolutely! amazing! Truly amazing! And God love small-town Southern doctors. Heh.