Dear Darling Daughter's Delightful Dude,
I know that boys of sixteen have short-term memory issues, little experience at relationships, and are hormonally driven to act like complete and total idiots without provocation. I understand this is something that you can't really help. I get it. I do.
And I think that for a sixteen year old boy, you're a particularly sweet specimen who mostly seems to have my daughter's happiness in mind. Mostly. I mean, when you told her you wanted to make sure she that this would be the prom she'd always dreamed of since she was a little girl...well...I admit that my old mommy heart leapt right along with her sixteen year old one. So romantic! So adorable! So darn sweet!
But I wanted to remind you of something. You were best buddies with my daughter for many, many months before you got the notion to date her. Your friendship meant the world to her. The two of you talked about everything under the sun...often until the wee hours of the morning. She loved that friendship! Sure, she had a secret crush on you, but she valued your friendship more than anything. She really did.
YOU are the one who brought up the idea of becoming more than good friends. Do you remember that, young man? Do you recall the evening you sent the crytpic text message stating that you had "something important to ask her" at school the next day? Well, I do. I remember it because my daughter squealed and giggled and danced around like Tinkerbell on crack! She couldn't sleep that night because she was so sure you were going to ask her to go to prom AS FRIENDS. Because, you know, YOU kept telling everyone that you didn't like her "that way."
Instead, I got the famous PHONE CALL from the school parking lot declaring that you had asked her to be your girlfriend. Oh yeah! I remember that! Do you?? You told her how you really liked her and wanted to date her...how much you loved being around her because she's fun and bubbly and outgoing and NOT LIKE OTHER GIRLS. She isn't into drama. She doesn't play games. She IS who she IS. You LIKED that about her, remember?
And my daughter told YOU that she didn't want to ruin what the two of you had. Because it's rare for a boy and girl to date each other, break up, and go back to being as close as they once were.
"Oh no!" you declared. That would NEVER happen! You would always be friends! And anyway, if you get along so well as friends, wouldn't it just be that much better as a couple?
And it was. For about two weeks. Until you decided that she wasn't paying you enough attention. And that she wasn't "the same." And that she didn't have time for you. And that apparently she wasn't as wrapped up in you as you felt she should be after a long and intense dating relationship of TWO or THREE whole entire weeks in which you couldn't really GO anywhere because...oh yeah...you aren't allowed to drive past six PM so no going out. It seems that you don't care for the fact that she CAN drive past dark. That she DOES have friends. Girl ones. Good ones. That she GOES places with them and does things like a teenager should.
Oh wait, she was supposed to drop out of life and focus completely on a teenaged boy and his happiness! Right?
Why, oh why, can't she just sit at home obsessing about you??
Until last Thursday, my daughter was had been floating on cloud nine. She thought this thing was actually going to work. And I admit, I was almost fooled, too. But then...then you decided to ignore her for an afternoon because gasp! SHE DIDN'T WALK OUT OF SCHOOL WITH YOU THAT DAY! She had something else to do. So that evening you told her you "had to talk to her" because you thought you might be "wasting your time" with this relationship!
WASTING YOUR TIME??
WASTING YOUR TIME??
I'm not even sure what that means, mister, but excuse me if I'm offended that a measly little sixteen year old guy who can't drive past dark thinks that ANY time spent with my fabulous daughter is WASTED! Who do you think you are?? Wasting your time?? You're lucky she spends ANY time on you! I know you're cute, but come on! That little comment right there put her big brother in such a state that he was ready to shorten your time for you. How dare you say you're wasting your time with his little sister?
She may not know the game you're playing...but I can assure you that I've seen this before. You certainly aren't the first boy to decide that if you upset her she'll come running to you, showering you with attention and sorry that she wasn't acting the perfect doting girlfriend. I'm on to you, boy! Unfortunately, she isn't. She doesn't have a clue. She doesn't "get it" that you're trying to manipulate her. She IS who she IS, and she doesn't understand why YOU aren't who you used to be.
Isn't that what you liked about her to begin with??
Luckily, she asked for my advice. Ha ha ha! Yes, she did! Before she came to school for the big "we need to talk" session she asked me what she should do. I told her to play it cool. She listened to me. And didn't that blow your mind?? You were thrown all off track by her happy, smiling face and calm but cheerful demeanor. You didn't know what to think. You tried ignoring her again. But you couldn't keep it up. You expected her to mope all weekend when you didn't call. But by Sunday morning you couldn't stand it any more. You called her. You were surprised when you found that she'd been busy having fun all weekend long and hadn't sat around worrying about you and why you hadn't called. You don't know what to think, do you?
So let me warn you...if you break up with her now...you're losing a great girl! One who doesn't put up with the crap teenage boys dish out, but nonetheless a wonderful, expressive, fun-loving, genuine and honest girl. A girl who brightens the room when she enters it. YOU know that. That's why you like her so much.
Maybe...just maybe...you should get over yourself. Because if you ruin prom? And the friendship? And break her heart AFTER you insisted on dating her?
Dead meat, dude. D-E-A-D meat.
Sincerely but Seriously,