Thursday, February 11, 2010

Prom Mania

Yes, I know. It's only mid-February, still freezing outside, and half the nation is buried under several feet of snow. I'm aware that proms usually take place in springtime when the weather is warm, the flowers are blooming and the teenagers are sick of being in school.

What can I say? My daughter attends a very wishy-washy school run by indecisive staff members and fickle faculty who can't make up their minds about a date for prom this year. By that I don't mean that the teachers can't find escorts. I'm sure most of them could get their spouses to hang out with them for a few hours on a Saturday night. Especially if the evening includes watching a bunch of young people "dance" like they belong in an x-rated music video. That's entertainment.

What I mean is that the school keeps MOVING the date when prom is suppose to occur.

First prom was scheduled for the last weekend in May. Then, a startling announcement was made last week: prom had been moved to mid-March! Oh no!! My daughter and her crowd went nuts! Frantic hair appointments were made, dinner reservations arranged, dresses hastily purchased and sent off to be altered or hemmed! (In our case, definitely hemmed!) Photographers, corsages, cars, shoes, accessories...oh...and a DATE! Preferably one has a date for prom! Quick! Figure out who you want to take you and finagle an invitation out of him! And since prom will be held in 40 degree weather, better find a fake fur to wear over that strapless frock!

And then. Then they made another announcement. "Prom will now be pushed back to the middle of May."

Ugh!! Call the hairdresser back and tell her never mind. Cancel the limo and the fake spray tan and the fancy dinner. Dump the boy. Because you probably won't like him in two months anyway.

Very nerve-wracking. Unprofessional. Psychologically draining.

I've had enough of this already!

Except, well, we at the Source household are notorious procrastinators, always waiting until the last possible minute, and we have not selected the dress of our dreams yet, so THANK HEAVEN they moved the dance back to where it belongs! Now we have plenty of time to browse through websites and the mall searching for just the right gown.

Which brings me to another insanity-inducing issue. The prom fashions of the 2000's are hideous, butt-ugly and tacky beyond belief!

Remember your prom? If you went to school in the 80's, like me, you probably wore something poofy and ruffled. Something appropriate for a high school girl. Something that required a crinoline.

Sadly, prom styles these days are not so sweet and lacy. They're actually quite frightening! I may be forced to pull out the sewing machine, yank the drapes off the living room windows and put something together for Darling Daughter myself.

Let me show you what I'm up against:

Here we have, well, I'm not entirely sure. Prom dresses for the future playboy bunny? Or versatile fashion that is appropriate for an evening on the town, but can be worn with a jacket to make a bold statement at the office?? You decide.

Watercolor, floral-print, lounge singer style for the nature girl...looks like the ugly painting that hung over the back of our sofa when I was growing up in the 70's.

Umm...Elvira's prom dress? Perfect if your school is having a Twilight-themed dance.

And for the "Tacos and Mexican Hat Dance" Prom. Ole!

For the Scottish lassies attending the clan formal:

A design for the girl who wants to be certain NO one else has a gown like hers. (Trust me, dear, no one would want one.)

For the school floozie...what looks to be a maternity prom dress...minus most of the skirt!

For the girl who definitely WANTS to stick out like a sore thumb and also prefers that her date wear his sunglasses all night, we have the blindingly funky fuchsia thing WITH sequins:

Attending the Sci-Fi Prom or traveling to Mars for dinner? You may want to chose the "Mad Max Beyond Thunderdome" gown inspired by Tina Turner. A lovely set of animal bones through the earlobes could also make this a modern Wilma Flintstone look.
Disney fan? How about the "Little Mermaid on Acid" look?

Don't really want to go to the prom? Rather hang out in a bar all night and pick up old beer-bellies instead? Show up dressed in this little number! No high school administrator in their right mind will let you in the door!

Do you have a little sister who longs to be just like you? Well, why not start her out early? After all, tacky taste should be carefully cultivated. Grab one of these gowns for the ten year old in your life and help bring out her inner diva before she hits middle school!

And finally, for the unhinged, slightly mental, special-powers, loner in your high school...the "Carrie" prom dress. Also appropriate for the girl who's dating an ax-murderer.

So you see my dilemma. Anyone want to Fed Ex me a lovely dress fit for a sixteen year old girl? Or should I just make her wear her Jiu Jitsu gi??


Chelsea Gour said...

I'd like to see what you make her out of the living room curtins!!!

Shaggy said...

When shopping for a limo this prom season watch out for shady limousine companies. Check the better business bureau before signing on the dotted line.