Saturday, January 30, 2010

Instant Chatter, Just Press Play!

Want to break your teen's icy silence? Want to know what's going on in their lives? Want a play-by-play of their entire day moment by moment?? Want to entice the kids to blabber on and on and ON and on with endless, mind-numbing nonsense that will drive you insane?

Do you really want to know:

"OMGmomrememberthattimewewentothatcompetitioninAtlantadidyouknowtheyretrying
tobreakaworld'srecordintheGeorgiaDomenextweekendatCheersportyeahthey'regonnahavethe
mostpeopleeverdoingthePantsOnTheGroundDancetothatsongINthe GeorgiaDomecanyoupicturethatitwouldbesofunnybutIforgottotellyouaboutitIsawiton
What'sHerName'sFacebookpageshesgoingtobethereIwishwecouldgodoyouthinkwecouldjustusbut
notthetwinsbutiwonderwouldwebeabletogetaroomthislateyouthink?probablynotorIcouldstaywithsomeonelselikeMs.Joyshewouldn'tmindI'msureMOMyoullnever
believeitguesswhatsoandsosaidthismorninginthirdperiodwhenthebellrangwesatdownanddidItellyouI forgotmynotesIlefttheminmylockerandMr.Historywouldn'tletmegobackandgetthemcauseheneverlets
usleaveclassafterthebellringshessuchaloserbutheisntmakingustakeourtestonfridaywegettostudyover
theweekendwhichisgreatcauseidon'tevenknowhalfoftheCivilWaritssoboringIwishwecouldjustskipit
andgorighttoWorldWarTwoormaybeVietnamdidyouknowMr.DisciplineEnforcerwasintheVietnamWar
Iknow!Hetoldusaboutitduringstudyhallyesterdaywhenthiskidcameinandstartedslamminghis
booksonthecounterandwewerelikewhattheheckyoudon'thavetoslamyourbooksdowndudeit'sthelibrary
andpeoplearetryingtodotheirhomeworkwellnotreallymostlyjusttalkingandstuff..."
And that's JUST Darling Daughter. While she's in the middle of her spiel, her brothers are in the back seat droning on about some video game or Lego set or cool episode of Star Wars the Clone Wars or what happened in the last chapter of their book and no one over the age of 13 even has a clue what they're talking about.
It's like...being buzzed in the ears by a million mosquitoes!
You see, I know exactly what to do to get my kids to open up and spill the beans. I know precisely what button to push.
It's the "on" button on my car stereo.
It never fails. NEVER.
We can ride for 32 miles with no noise. Deadly quiet. Eerie silence. No one saying a word. Not so much as a sniffle. Only the sound of breathing. Blank stares out the windows.
But the moment...the instant...the very split second I turn on the radio?
Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah....those mouths all start yapping. At the SAME time. Talking over each other. Louder and louder. Trying to get a word in edgewise while the others are talking. Raising their voices to be heard over siblings and 80's rock.
It's infuriating.
Not that I don't WANT to know what's going on in their lives...I do. But couldn't they have shared all of that vitally important information one-at-a-time back when I wasn't trying to sing along to Foreigner??
Or maybe they're trying to shut me up? They don't appreciate my singing? Could be.
Cause as soon as I give up, turn the radio off and pay attention to them?
THEY SHUT UP!

2 comments:

Hezra said...

buzzed in the ears by a million mosquitos! YES!!! That is it exactly. I have 5 and I have to play air traffic controller. Conversationally speaking. I get you about the 12 yr old chatter too. my 10 and 12 yos act like twins. And those are EXACTLY the things they talk about!! so nice to know I am not alone in my crazy world. There are other Mothers out there....

Brianna said...

That's what happens in class every day. No one is talking, so I pull out my ipod and that is when everyone starts talking. And not just talking to eachother either, but talking to ME, while I'm clearly trying not to listen, but I hate to be rude, I mean these are my friends, but seriously?
And that is hillarious, cause I ramble on about the same things all the time when I haven't talked to mom in a while. I open my mouth and everything comes to my brain all at once that its one long sentence and all the topics I jump to are connected, but not necessarily by anyone but me. When I read this post, I imagined you with the same bewildered expression mom usually has on during my rants. :)