Sunday, November 29, 2009

The Source's Super Spectacular Happy Holiday Gift Guide

This time of year folks are busy searching high and low for that perfect Christmas gift. Tons of tired shoppers can be found slogging through malls and department stores trying to find that special something for that special someone. And something for the mother-in-law, the secretary, Great Aunt Ethel, your child's teacher and the bag boy at the grocery store. Ugh.

If you're anything like me shopping overload sets in, and your brain starts to smoke by December 3rd. Friends and family are lucky if they score a gift card to Walmart!

Never fear! I'm here to help! I've taken a few minutes out of my hectic schedule to assemble this little list just for you. (Actually, the Hubby's asleep, the twins are playing video games, Darling Daughter's doing homework and I'm majorly bored.) Here you will find all sorts of fabulous and interesting items for those greedy gift-grubbers this holiday season. I've even put links to each one, so all you have to do is click! One-stop shopping here at The Source. How cool is that? I know.

You can thank me later.

I like to call it:

The Source's Super Spectacular Happy Holiday Gift Guide!

1. Teacher~ Now look, your child's teacher already owns plenty of tacky coffee mugs with apples and 123's on them. Ditto the "World's Best Teacher" ornaments for the classroom Christmas tree. Seriously, unless she's a first year educator, she's probably hoping beyond all hope that someone will give her something else this year.
How about this lovely and stylish Square Root Wall Clock ?

Very useful, don't you think? With the added advantage that an elementary-aged kid probably won't have any idea what time it is...clock-watching will be a thing of the past!

2. Husband~ Did your other half grow up in the 80's? Was he a fan of John Hughes movies? Is his job stressful? Does he need a break from the tensions of his day?

This Soothing Head Massager is just the thing!

Stick it on your hubby's head when he walks in the door! The soothing music soundtrack will drown out the screaming kids. The gentle heat will warm away the winter chills. And the vibrating action will joggle what's left of his brains so that he won't be able to tell if you've got dinner on the table or not! Added bonus: He can wear it to his lodge meeting or fraternity reunion and look just like he did back in the know...when he and his buddies sat around with bras on their heads.

3. The Family Schizophrenic~ What? Every family's got a nut-job in the closet somewhere. Now you can give the perfect gift for that paranoid person in your life.

The Rovio Robotic Home Security System will set his mind at ease!

Monitor your home from the internet while on vacation. Find out what the neighbors are up to! Better yet...scare the dog to death! The Rovio is a remote controlled, wireless web-cam that lets you sneak around virtually undetected and spy on the ones you love. Peace of mind for that uncle who thinks the government is out to get him. And what a bargain for only $299.99.
4. The Mad Scientist Child~ In our family we are fortunate to have not one but TWO child prodigies. (They're not mine, either. Thank heaven my kids are normal-smart, not freakishly-abnormal-smart. I wouldn't have them any other way. I mean, can you imagine your child being more intelligent than his first-grade teacher?? I shudder to think!) Anyway, in case you are also blessed with niece and nephew Mensa Candidates, I recommend this:
Star Wars Darth Vader Robotic Arm. Yes, that little genius can construct his or her own little mechanical arm and then use it to crush their enemies! Hey, with a little practice, they just might be performing DaVinci surgery by summer.

5. Your Sister's Kid~ If you have a sister (or a brother) and they have little boys, this is an excellent choice! Guranteed to drive parents completely insane!
The AirZooka Hand Held Air Cannon will anable those lovable little tykes to blast mom's hair off her head from 20 feet away! Sneak up and blow dad's papers right off the desk...while he's doing the taxes! The possibilities are endless! And the fact that the air balls can be shot from a distance means the kids have time to escape certain doom!

6. The OCD One~ For that beloved germophobe! The Zapi Toothbrush Sanitizer uses ultraviolet technology to zap the bacteria right off your nasty disease-ridden toothbrush! I was considering purchasing one of these for my own Pip Squeak, but then I pictured him walking around with this thing in the pocket of his jeans...sticking his fingers in it to knock off the germs that survived his last fifteen minute scouring with the antibacterial soap...and I thought maybe not. The kid has enough issues as it is.

7. Twilight Barbie~ Or maybe she's Twilight Belle? Or Bella? Whoever she is, she's the Barbie version, and she's ready to be wrapped up in tinsel and placed under your tree for your favorite vampire fan. She doesn't look much like the character from the movies, but never fear! Throw in the Ashpyxiated Ken Doll (aka Edward) and your little girl can recreate all her "Life is Meaningless Without a Man" fantasies. Or. Or you could always buy the hideous boy doll for your son. He looks a lot like Michael Myers from the Halloween horror series if you ask me.

Check back later for: The Source's Christmas Gifts to Drive Parents Crazy! Gift ideas guaranteed to get taken away from toddlers and hidden for good!

1 comment:

a Tonggu Momma said...

This post is one of the reasons I adore you.