The Pip Squeak is an especially fastidious child, always insisting on matching clothes, a neat bedroom and perfectly combed hair. He will drive you absolutely nuts over whether or not the bottoms of his socks match exactly. Heaven forbid he's asked to wear one sock with Hanes embroidered in blue on the bottom and the other sock with Hanes embroidered in green!! Our planet would probably stop revolving around the sun.
Lately he has been badgering me to let him learn to iron his own clothes. (**Note to sister** an iron is a small household appliance with a metal-plated bottom used when heated to smooth the wrinkles out of one's clothing. As opposed to, you know, tossing something into the dryer with a load of damp towels and punching the start button.) Now, while I'm certainly willing to hand that chore over to him one of these days, I have to say I'm a little reluctant to let him try it just yet. He can scrub all the toilets he wants to and I'll let him wash a load of socks any day of the week, but ironing? Ironing is fraught with danger! It's a duty that almost always ends in disaster (at least around here) and it scares me to think of the aftermath of the Pip Squeak wielding an iron.
Take this morning for example: I was innocently attempting to smooth the wrinkles out of Darling Daughter's favorite red t-shirt, and ended up setting off the BURGLAR ALARM (not the fire alarm) burning my hand, knocking over the ironing board and taking a chunk out of the kitchen floor. See what I mean? Ironing is synonymous with DANGER! (**Note to sister** shockingly, some teenagers prefer to go to school wrinkle-free and will actually pick through the knee-high pile of dirty clothes in their closet to find their favorite shirt and ask their mom to iron it for them before putting it on and wearing it again...it's a sign of excellent breeding, what can I say?) Some of you moms out there might say that I should have let Darling Daughter iron her own shirt this morning, thereby avoiding the accident altogether. Well, no. That wouldn't have been a good idea. See, she's perfectly capable of ironing during daylight hours with nothing else on her mind, but at 6 AM while rushing to find her AP History book, brush her teeth, pack her lunch and hot glue the leg back onto her purple-play-doh-turtle-calculus-project...the consequences would clearly have been much worse!
So, you see, one reason I don't want Pip ironing his own clothes is simply because it's so dangerous. Another reason? Well, I like his skin unmarred. And because he's too short. Plus, he has horrible balance. It's bound to be difficult to iron when your shoulders are level with the top of the ironing board. Not to mention what might happen if he were to stumble and fall into the ironing board while holding the iron. And no, I don't want to buy him a counter-top board and let him iron sitting at the kitchen table. I can just picture him dropping the iron on his lap. Or setting it down and burning a hole through my table. Although, then the table would probably coordinate better with the kitchen floor now that it's missing a chunk.
What are my options, then? I suppose I could outfit the Pip Squeak in his brother's fireman attire...dress him up in fireproof bunker gear...and then let him have at it.
Or just invite my sister over to teach him the old "toss it in the dryer for 3 minutes and deal with it" method.
Or maybe the wrinkly grunge look will come back in fashion! Or is it already in style and I just don't know?