A letter to my smallest child:
In the words of one of your favorite villains, "DON'T make me destroy you!"
As your mother, I feel it's only fair to warn you that I'm a little more experienced than you at this whole Preteen Attitude business. You may not realize it, but I have put up with obnoxious behavior from short people for almost two decades now and I am not afraid of your puny self. Dish it out, my son, I assure you that I can take it. I am the master.
Foot-stomping? On carpet?? Please. Surely you have better weapons in your arsenal than that? Muttering under your breath? Come back in here and say it to my face, kiddo. Eye-rolling? Are you kidding me? Haven't you noticed that your sister is permanently looking out of the back of her head? She was once the queen of eye-rolling and she, too, has fallen.
What's that? The Silent Treatment? Ahhh...the Force is strong with you, young Pip Squeak, but you are not a Jedi yet! How long can you keep it up? Do you think you can go all day without speaking to your mommy? I'm not so sure. You didn't say "goodbye" to me when you got out of the car at school this morning, but you WAVED! You are unwise to lower your defenses! I have you now!!
You SMILED at me! What did I tell you? You're no match for me, child. Your powers are weak! Give up on the insufferable mood and get over your anger. And next time? Bring me your shirt BEFORE time to leave the house and I'll be only too happy to iron it for you. Playing video games instead of getting ready for school will not buy you any sympathy from me. I've dealt with the likes of you before.
**Pip was "a little upset" with me this morning because I refused to iron his shirt as we were about to walk out the door. He had to...are you sitting down...WEAR IT SLIGHTLY WRINKLED!! GASP! I know! How many other 11 year old boys even care if there shirts are clean? However, his mean old mother would not drop everything and make his siblings late for school just to please the Pip Squeak. Needless to say this did not go over well. Pip pulled out all the stops to let me know how rotten he thinks I am. But...at the last minute...as he grabbed his bookbag out of the car...a little wave and just the hint of a grin. He's such a wimp!
***Just for the record, I did not respond to any of his antics. I ignored it all. He hates that! What's the point in pitching a fit if no one notices??