Thursday, April 23, 2009

Those EXACT words, again.

Exact words. They literally jumped right up and bit me in the butt on Tuesday. My very literal child, the one who always and ONLY does exactly what I say...well...he did what I said. When will I learn? When will HE?
Lucy (the Demon Dog) and I pulled up in the car line on Tuesday after school and the twins came to the car. Quatro opened the back passenger-side door, and I noticed that he was carrying a huge piece of cardboard...a school project that was finally making it's way home. (Thank you, school, I love finding places for these humongous pieces of poster paper and cardboard that they never want to part with.) He struggled for a few minutes getting it in the car door and here's where I made my HUGE mistake.
I said, "Hurry and put that IN THE BACK OF THE CAR and let your brother in so we can move on...we're holding up the line."
Do you see what I said? Seems so innocent, doesn't it? If you only knew.
Now, Lucy is always super-excited to pick up the boys after school. She rushes to the car, rides with her face out the window and jumps back & forth barking when we arrive. When they get in the car, she bounces off the walls for a few minutes every day. She's so happy to see them she goes nuts temporarily. Pip Squeak had to hold onto her so she didn't hop over the back seat and crush the project.
About halfway home, Quatro casually mentions, "Mom, did you know Lucy pooped in the back of the car?"
"Uhh..she did? Gross."
"Yeah, and I really wish it didn't get all over my project. Now I have to clean it off."
"WHAT?? You laid your project in dog poo on the carpet IN MY CAR?? Why didn't you TELL me that she'd pooped and put the project in the FRONT seat?? We could have stopped and cleaned out the poo."
Well...you and I know why, don't we? Because I TOLD him to put it in the BACK of the car. AND I said hurry up. He only followed my instructions. Never, ever think for yourself. Never use your own brain. Always do just precisely as you are told. And then you will get to clean out the smushed up dog poo in your mom's car AND throw your nasty project in the garbage.

5 comments:

Chelsea Gour said...

Opps. Sounds like you, either got your work cut out for you preparing that kid for life.....or you better start looking for a good wife that will take care of him for you! But, the stories crack me up!

Kristen@nosmallthing said...

ha ha ha!

I once told my husband not to ask questions, just do what I tell you.

Of course then when he does it all wrong, I ask him why he didn't ask me how to do it. I'm just never happy.

I think it's a male thing. They are very literal. Very.

But poo? One would think they would ask a question about laying a project down in poo... :)

The Momster said...

Oh boy! Dog poo in the car. Gross! Seriously ground into the carpet ala the project? Even worse!

I have found a way to successfully get rid of projects. I take a picture of them. Either with her holding them, or just of them. That seems to be okay and I can get rid of them. Like one time she made this fish that was literally as big as the kitchen table. It was HUGE and STUFFED. Wouldn't that look lovely over the mantle?

Michelle said...

ROFLMAO!!!!!

mendyc said...

Well just be glad your kids listen to you! I wish mine would.