Friday, July 25, 2008

What if things were different?

Tuesday morning The Pip Squeak and I were up early, as usual. The 3 other kids in this house are lazy bums in the summer, so Pip and I enjoy our mornings together with a little peace and quiet. After breakfast, we went out to the pool. The day was already very warm, and the water felt wonderful. I helped Pip Squeak onto a float and climbed on one myself. We joined hands so that we wouldn't drift off to opposite ends of the pool, and then we talked. We talked about how much we wish we were going to the beach again this summer, about what he wants for his 11th birthday next month, about how funny it is that Lucy the Demon Dog has to be locked out of the pool gate so she won't jump in unannounced. We talked about 5th grade. I asked what he thought 5th grade would be like and who he hoped his teacher would be. He said he thinks 5th grade will be just as boring as 4th was, and he hopes he gets the man for a teacher because he lets kids eat candy and drink Mountain Dew during Math.

And then Pip was quiet for a couple of minutes. He took his hand out of mine to adjust his sunglasses (my sunglasses, which are way too big for him, but he likes the way they cover most of his face.) and then wiggled around on the float to get better situated. The he laid his head back on his arms and asked, "Mom...what do you think it would be like...if I didn't have 'Several Palsy'?"

"What do you think it would be like, Pip?"

"Well...I could run really good and I wouldn't fall so much. I bet I would be the fastest in PE! I could ride the dirtbike like Ryan. I wouldn't be different."

"Hmm. No, you would still be different. Think of all the boys in your class. Who's exactly the same?"

"Well...yeah...but I wouldn't be this different."

"I think that if you didn't have Cerebral Palsy, you wouldn't be my Pip Squeak. I believe God already knew you would have CP before Mom and Dad even thought about having you. And I think if you didn't have CP you might be VERY different."

"I don't know what you mean...if I didn't have it I would be me, just faster...with good balance...right?"

"No...I think that you wouldn't be who you are now. Imagine if you had always been able to walk, run, and jump easily. You would probably have spent a lot of time doing other playing soccer and football and riding a bike. Those are good things, but if you were busy doing those things all the time, would you be so good at reading? Or video games? Or writing songs and stories? Would you be the strongest at chin-ups in PE?"


"And if you hadn't been to the hospital so many times, do you think you would be afraid of needles and xrays and casts and doctors? Do you think you would be a comfortable with grown ups as you are now?"

"Well...yeah...but sometimes kids are so mean to me because I walk funny."

"If no one had ever picked on you, would you understand how bad it hurts? When kids at school are mean to Abby because she limps and talks different and sometimes she drools...would you pick on her too? I'm proud because you stood up for her and became her friend."

"True...they made her cry and she's so nice. She can't help it if she drools a little."

"If you didn't have CP, Pip, do you think you would have had to call on God so often? Think of all the times that you've been afraid, worried, upset, lonely...and you've prayed. Think about how much God has shown you about His faithfulness. I wonder if you would be so close to God if you didn't need him so much? And what about the people who have watched God work in your life? The nurse who listened as you and I prayed that God would ease your pain after your gallbladder surgery...wasn't she shocked when you fell right to sleep after we said 'Amen'?? The ones who prayed that you would walk after your back surgery...and then watched you carry Baby Jesus to the manger in Church that Christmas all by yourself!"

" like, God might have known that I wouldn't be the same me?"

"Remember the Bible says, "For I know the plans that I have for you..." God meant for you to be exactly who you are. Cerebral Palsy and all. I really like who He gave me as a son...I wouldn't trade my Pip Squeak for anything."


The Momster said...

THAT was incredible. Thank you for sharing that today.

Jen said...

Hey Source, thank you so much for stopping by my blog! So you have two fifth graders? Are they twins or just really close in age? I have 5 month old twins and I am ALWAYS trying to meet people who have twins to get good advice. I have 7 older kids, but having 2 at once has thrown me for a loop!
Thank you for that beautiful post. What a blessing to be able to explain some of God's ways to your beautiful child. You are a true inspiration!

Sugar-n-Spice said...

That may very well be one of the most beautiful conversations I've ever had the privilege of hearing.

You were quite the Source for that amazing boy. Yes, I think that's a marvelous name! Enjoyed browsing your blog! ;)

SAH in Suburbia said...

What a wonderful conversation to have with your son. You have such wisdom. I don't know that I could have answered his mature questions with such beauty and honesty.
My sister has Spina Bifida and faced many of the same issues in grade school. My mother was wonderful in helping her to understand her uniqueness but I'm not sure it truly sunk in until she was much older.
Have enjoyed your blog this morning.